I thought I would love this age and be excited that 30 is almost here and when I turned 28 last year, I thought wow in two years I'll finally be 30 and get out of that 20 something stage. But now that I'm 29, I feel like I'm panicking about 30. When you're a teen getting ready for college you have these thoughts and dreams about what you want to do by age 30. You make a list in your mind or even on paper about all the things you want to do, see, and accomplish by 30. So when 30 is just around the corner and you haven't done some of those things you hit the panic button. You hit the panic button or you just lose motivation. I had a wonderful time celebrating my birthday with my family and friends, who showered me with love, but I had this empty feeling like I wanted something more. But I know that I am the only one who can give myself that or fill that void.
I love my family and would never change a thing about that part of my life. Never would I have imagined marrying such a wonderful, smart, sweet man and being blessed with three great step-children as well. While I was making dinner tonight I thought, "Wow, I'm making dinner for my family." Never would I have thought that one day I would be making dinner, let alone making dinner for a family that I called my own. I'm grateful and truly blessed and surrounded by people who love me for me.
Blogging has really opened a wonderful door for me and editing for All Women Stalk has given me the opportunity to chat with people from all around the world and put my work, writing, and voice out there. I really enjoy editing, interacting with guest bloggers, interviewing people, and giving others a voice. But some where along the lines of doing more editing than writing I feel like I lost my voice and now that I am back to doing more writing and only editing my own work, I need to find my drive again. I need to find who I am, who I want to be, and where I fit in.
It's not that I'm scared of taking risks because I've pushed myself to be the first one in my family to go to college and I've pushed myself to say hello to the man I married, and I pushed myself to become a writer and an editor. I'm proud of myself and grateful for my life, my family, and my job. I know there are many people today who are struggling to keep their jobs, to get a new one, and to keep their homes.
The difficult thing is that I'm not sure what I want. I would like to take some classes and go back to school, but I need to explore and do some research to see where I would like to take my career before I take that next step.
Have you ever had this feeling of wanting to find yourself or wanting more? How did you take turning 30, 40, 50, and so on?
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I'm still in my twenties, so I haven't experienced anything like this. Yet. I think it's common for someone to question their accomplishments and seek more out of life once 30 and over approaches; the main thing is simply to be thankful for what you have and live each day to the fullest. :)
ReplyDeleteI just turned 26, but I still know exactly how you feel. It's tough when you are facing milestones and then your mind starts thinking about everything you should be doing instead! I say, just take it one day at a time. You have 365 days left before you turn 30, so that's a ton of opportunities to decide what you want to do and what makes you feel happy, whether that's writing, editing, going back to school or something completely different.
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean you no longer edit for AWS?
<3
You're only 29?????? Wow - you are so mature for that ago. I was a complete idiot, actually I was single, a chalet girl in Switzerland for my 30th! You have taken on responsibility so beautifully looking after two girls. Yes going back to school might re-invigorate your life. What about taking off and traveling?
ReplyDeleteI can relate to everything you're saying, Diana, and I also have some big insecurities about turning 30 next year. (I'll be 29 in September.) Like you, I'm really proud of the things I've accomplished thus far, like being the first in my family to go to college and working hard to reestablish my voice as a writer/editor after years of losing it while working for Congress. But I still feel like there are so many questions that need to be answered and so many uncertainties. For example, my husband and I still don't know where we will ultimately settle and live long-term. I still don't feel quite ready to have children and am not sure when I will. I want be a published author but am not sure whether I will ever get there. I feel like I'm not "ready" to leave my 20s behind and no longer be considered "young." It can be so hard to find the right place and discover our true desires.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday!!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel Diana. I think for people like you and I, who are always wanting to grow and improve themselves this feeling never abates. There's always something new or challenging that we want to do. All I can say is try to accept that there is a bit of anxiety in all this change or wanting of change and enjoy the process.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs sweetie!!
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Oh my goodness, I know how you feel, Diana! I feel like I am in the same boat. I am also nervous about 30. For the most part I like my job and my hobbies, etc., but I've been feeling like I need to find myself a little more. I need to take some risks in some areas and I am really scared about it. I think when we look back at this time, we will be glad that we took some risks and lived life to it's fullest. I don't want to regret ever not making the most of this life. I hope you find what you are looking for. And if you ever need to talk, I'm here too :)
ReplyDeletexoxo